Fifty Patterns for Making Sense

 

31.  Speak last

 

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Always let the other person speak first.

 

 

 

   
 

In most of American society the person who speaks first also controls the topic of the conversation. If you speak first, you will automatically find yourself talking about YOUR agenda.  Then in order to hear the other person's topic you will have to wait long enough for the topic to change gracefully.

In one study of phone calls researchers found that even someone who would make an obscene phone call would not introduce his 'subject' until the other person officially 'answered' by saying 'hello.'  When the person just picked up the phone without saying 'hello' all she got from the caller was heavy breathing, but no obscenities.  Some of these patterns of communication are so deep that we won't break them even where we will break FCC regulations!

It's O.K. to speak first, if you merely state your willingness to hear what's on your visitor's mind and then back out of the way.

 

   
   
 

Don't assume you know what you are going to talk about.  Learn by going (3) where the conversation will lead.  Use a statement (13) to avoid direct questions.

 

   
 

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