When two people talk, one is
always a bit faster than the other. Independent judges
will always rate the faster one as 'warmer,' 'more open,'
'more friendly,' or 'more cooperation.' Those are
stereotypes out society believes in deeply.
When two people are
different from each other in relative power, the more powerful
one will talk faster. That will balance the scales of
the stereotypes towards the more powerful. For example,
in a job interview the one with the power, the interviewer,
will tend to talk faster than the person being
interviewed. And that will make the person being
interviewed seem 'cold,' 'withdrawn,' 'formal,' or even
'unfriendly,' or 'uncooperative.'
If a person expects to be
treated 'warmly' and is given a 'cold' treatment, he or she
will exaggerate the 'coldness' and slow down even
further. If a person expects to be treated 'coldly' but
is treated 'warmly,' then he or she will exaggerate the
'warmth' and speed up considerably.
The moral of this story is
that if you expect to be treated 'warmly' but are treated
'coldly' you will not show yourself well to others. If
you expect to be treated 'coldly' but are treated 'warmly,'
you will 'warm up,' exaggerage your speed in talking and be
judged positively by others.
Combining this with the Tit
for Tat pattern you get a more complex pattern. You will
be most successful in the long run if you assume cooperation
but at the same time do not assume interpersonal warmth.
In other words, don't ever assume that you and others have to
like each other in order to be able to cooperate. If you
end up getting along personally as well, that's all to the
good. But it is not necessary for good communication.
