A woman made a telling
comment in a workshop on communication. She said, 'I
felt like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders when I
realized that they didn't INTEND to treat me that way...that
it was just a misinterpretation.'
Much of the hostility that
arises in communication comes out of simple mistakes in
interpretation that get blown all out of proportion.
That is easy to say, but it is much harder when you are in a
situation that is blowing up to keep from escalating with
it. When the Tit for Tat pattern becomes a habit you
will find yourself repeating again and again to yourself,
'This person WANTS to cooperate with me, at least in figuring
out what we are talking about, if not in our long-range
goals.' That in itself will defuse many potential
escalations.
Holding a grudge is a
failure of the Tit for Tat pattern. It is returning
negative for negative more than one time. It is doing it
habitually.
