Fitting your communication into its situational
ecology begins where you are. You can never account for the whole
world and not even your whole organization, but you can account for
yourself. The most direct route to understanding how your
communication fits into an organizational pattern is to start with
your own behavior. The key to learning as you go in any
organization is to rely more heavily on lateral messages which cross
the organizational lines than on hierarchical messages.
There is no need to have anyone else agree with your
reasons for doing things as long as there is agreement about what
should be done. Convergent agendas can be discovered and pursued
by using an intermediary, distributing the ownership of tasks, and by
distributing the tasks themselves. An organization based on
chain communication and networks rather than hubs and wheels works
best when personnel move from position to position frequently and when
personnel have the freedom to seek out other individuals with common
interests and histories.
Since no two individuals in any organization have
exactly the same levels of power, it is more effective to acknowledge
these power differences than to try to subvert them or deny
them. A question has two roles, one is to ask for information,
the other is to force a response. An effective listener first
seeks information by listening and then, where a more direct means is
needed, by giving information rather than by questioning.
Use a statement in place of a question and take what
others say at face value. Assume they will cooperate but be sure
not to accept abuse. In making statements, be sure to qualify so
that you do not overstate your case. The overall greatest
success comes with optimizing goals, not maximizing goals. While
you assume cooperation, do not assume warmth. Let that come with
the success of your communication.
The best indication that something is going wrong in
commuunication is when comfortable moments break down into
embarrassing moments. Rather than pushing right through to a
conclusion, allow time for different personal rhythms to work.
Asynchronous communications have fewer changes of breaking down into
uncomfortable moments than getting everyone together at the same
time. This leads to the scheduling of flextime as a more
practical way for individuals to integrate their organizational and
personal lives.
More can be accomplished by making the small changes
that make a real difference than by undertaking major changes that
only disrupt and create organizational chaos. This gives many
individuals the autonomy of not making the changes you want them to
make until they have seen the practical effects.
Using personal space for communication allows you to
privatize your relationships with individuals, even while working in
groups. Two-way communication with each person obliquely
positioned and at equal height allows you to listen separately to
individuals rather than to give broadcast messages and receive
'representative' responses that represent nobody in particular.
Holding your conversations in a neutral territory that belongs to
neither participant equalizes any 'home court' advantage.
To be sure you hear the other person's topic and not
just his or her responses to your topic, speak last, use long pauses
between turns, wait for others to speak, and speak more slowly when
you do speak.
Answering slowly insures that the other person has a
chance to completely state his or her case. It also allows you
to listen for things that are said at moments you are not
expecting. Often the best statement is syncopated and seems like
an aside to the general conversation. This is because many
people prefer to say things indirectly and allow you to read between
the lines.
The more specifically you communicate your own
individuality the easier it is for others to relate to you. Show
your humanity, speak of your interests outside the sittuation, your
family, your history. Be specific, never say 'tree' when you can
say 'elm'. A person's accent is part of their personal
identity. Listen to accents to avoid mistaking a person's
identity for his or her attitudes.
Be a little cranky about not agreeing where you
really do not agree. Often everyone is agreeing only for the
sake of everyone else and nobody wants to do what you are agreeing to
do. Be willing to show your vulnerability to the opinions of
others.
To be physically open to the greatest variety of
communications from others, do some creative wandering. Get out
of your own territory, tell stories and joke. Exercise, watch
your diet, cultivate your own humanity so that you will be able to
enjoy hearing what others have to say.
Using the patterns
The fifty
patterns
